tightpresent | Gift Vid(s): Losing Our Religions

Entry tags:

Gift Vid(s): Losing Our Religions - for Sanguinity

Title: Losing Our Religions
Recipient: Sanguinity
Vidder: ghost lingering
Music: Covers of "Losing My Religion" by Jacqui Naylor, The Huge, Anouk, Elin Swenson, Nina Persson, Tori Amos, Paola Lezzi, Elvis Jackson, Swandive, and YouTube user genper2009. Additional audio from The Conet Project, disc one. (For more information about The Conet Project, go here.)
Summary: Life is bigger. It's bigger than us.
Vidder Notes: Much thanks to the people who took a look at this as I was working on it. Couldn't have done it without your comments and cheerleading. (Leaving out names to preserve what anonynimity there may be.)

This series was inspired by something that Sanguinity wrote in her sign-up: "Stories, and faith in them, and the manufacture/manipulation of them". Because clearly the only response to that is to make a series of vids about the the stories we put faith in (the stories we tell ourselves), and how that faith can falter or strengthen through experience. In order of appearance the characters whose faiths the series explores are: Terissa Dyson, Andy Goode, Jesse Flores, Kacy Corbin, Lauren Fields, Riley Dawson, the unnamed Latina, Derek Reese, "Catherine Weaver", and James Ellison. Sarah and John Connor are not included in this series: they *are* a fucking religion.

Re: Lyrics. Each of the cover versions is slightly different, so I'm just going to link to the original REM lyrics for reference. If anyone would like lyrics for the individual vids, I can provide them upon request. Lyrics for REM's Losing My Religion

Finally, Sanguinity, I really hope you don't hate the song "Losing My Religion" because you just got ten vids using different versions of that song that, together, total just shy of 20 minutes. Here's to losing our religions.

Content Notes: Spoilers for the entire series. Character deaths, both on-screen and implied; dead bodies shown. Attempted suicide & suicidal ideation. Violence including guns, physical altercations, explosions, etc. Basically what you see on the show will, more or less, be what you see here. For the record, Sanguinity, brief sections of this do reference Christianity and use Christian imagery, but not in a way that would tweak you, I think, given what you said in your sign-up. (i.e. Ellison is Christian.)

Link: Link to signed vid post.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(I was gonna watch all the vids then come back and comment, but given this is a TWENTY-MINUTE BEHEMOTH OF VIDNESS you get some first-watch in-stream notes. BECAUSE.)

Terisa Dyson! A vidlet about Terisa Dyson! TERISA DYSON.

...Jesse is one of my VERY FAVORITEST CHARACTERS, but I didn't ask for her, because I wasn't sure that I'd get a Jesse vid I would want to see? (Sometimes I am picky, and sometimes I fail to trust properly.) But *this* is the Jesse vid I wanted and didn't trust to ask for. Oh, Jesse.

I started sobbing during Lauren's section. Literally sobbing. (Actually THIS IS WHY you're getting an in-stream comment: I had to take a moment before going on to whoever comes next.)

...oh, I am frankly ADORING that you did pov-vids for EVERYBODY. And I'm obvs going to have to watch again-again, but even on this first viewing, I love all the things you're doing with the line "and you are not me". (Cameron is not the unnamed Latina! Unnamed Latina is herself, and the robot from the future can kindly stop appropriating, thank you!)

I was not familiar with this song before this; I think we can safely say that I like it. But more than that, I ADORE theme and variations as a form, I ADORE study series, I ADORE compare-and-contrast-and-parallel and going deeper to see wider. And this vid is just pure happy indulgence in these things. :-D

...okay and I'm skipping over fuller comments about some of the characters just now (Riley! so brave! and Derek! so confused! which was so not apparent to me watching the show -- he is Mr. Conviction! Mr. Certainty! -- but of COURSE that's just a mask over the top of his whirlwind of I DON'T KNOW I'M SO LOST) and I will have to come back and say things properly later (because omg!), but I just had to stop watching for a moment to say: your opening montage for Catherine made me scream in UNFETTERED JOY.

...oh, James. (And of course, by now, I have heard this song enough that I know the lyrics now. Hee!)

THANK YOU FOR THESE.

I ADORE that this is a collection of tight-pov vids. This thing that you have done here, pulling each of these characters out into their own tight-focus pov, putting all those povs back-to-back to each other, told to the same song and as a collection... *flails* I asked for how stories guide and change and shape what the characters do -- so much in this show is done on the basis of a story someone else tells! -- but when I asked, I had no idea how that might be done. And then you came back with this. :-D

(timestamps are mostly for my reference.)

Terissa I am so put in mind of Sarah's comment to Ellison, later: "That's a lot to you?" It *is* a lot to her! And for good reason! And she is in danger of losing so much more. Her kid opens the door to Cameron, and my heart clenches in fear. Both Terissa and Sarah are just mothers trying to keep their sons alive, and protect them from the coming future. But like Sarah, she steps up when she needs to. Because what else can she do? (So much stepping up when needed in this show!)

And ending her clip with Andy's murder is a brilliant opening to the series/collection. We the viewers know that Terissa is not implicated in Andy's death. Andy's death was between Andy and Derek, and what Terissa said to whom had no part in that causality chain whatsoever. None. But from Terissa's perspective? All she would know was that she fingered Andy to Sarah, and then there was a death notice in the newspaper. From her perspective, that death is on her.

This is not a series of vids about the Judgement Day narrative. This is about the tight-pov stories that the characters see and experience and believe. And ending Terissa's vid with Andy's death signals that as plain as day. (Oh, Terissa. Please be kind to yourself, if you can, when you discover that Andy is dead.)

Andy (1:05) Oh, Andy. I can't talk about Andy. "I've said too much" vs. "I've said it all," gah. ...I hope Derek's Andy found some peace. And I wish wish wish that Derek had done for Sarah's Andy what Sarah and John did for Miles Dyson. (However fucked the way they went about doing it, and however badly it worked out for Miles. And least he got to choose, and with the perspective of foresight, not hindsight.) But Derek has been thinking in terms of guns since he was fifteen and... Oh, Andy. Derek was a good friend to you. And yet Derek could have been a better friend to you. :-(

Jesse (2:19) I'm still mostly non-verbal about what you did with Jesse, I love it so much. Her shutting Queeg's eyes. Her protectiveness of her sailors: those are her people, and it is her responsibility to care for them. (That is so often overlooked/forgotten about her! She had a responsibility to Deets. That you pulled Deets into her final montage... *flails*) The juxtaposition between the bar-shots after Riley's death (cut and bruised) and actively betraying Riley (lipsticked and coiffed) while she doubts her ability to do this! And likewise, the juxtaposition in her mind between John and the sub-terminator that he had asked to join them! And she is SO FREAKING ALONE in this current mission -- "I am not you" is to herself in the mirror. (Or, alternatively, she is not Derek's Jesse! Even leaving aside that she is from a different timeline, things have happened to her since Derek left: she is not the Jesse that even her own Derek knew, let alone the one that this Derek knew.) And so very much Jesse/Derek passion and tenderness, contrasted with the distance between them. (Oh, goodness, I ship them so freaking hard.) And you used the sunbathing pool shots. That final shot of Derek, post-apocalyptic warrior with Death hanging from his very clothing, striding into that pool area, utterly out of place, is brilliant. I just. *flails* *flails some more* COMMANDER JESSE FLORES.

Kacy (4:44) I ADORE THIS VIDLET. From the show's perspective, Kacy is there to be a foil to the (non)domestic life of the Connors, or as impetus for Sarah to contemplate motherhood, or to unknowingly relay important plot points to the Connors. But HER story? HAS NOT ONE GODDAMN THING TO DO WITH JUDGEMENT DAY. She is doing this huge scary terrifying important thing of her own, and that matters, too. I think I asked in my sign-up for something about the show's civilian casualties? This is better. (Because it's not a vid that's full of dead people!) I have said elsewhere that when the Connors and/or Weavers have saved the world, they will look up to discover that the world was worth saving because people like Felicia Burnett have been working just as hard as the Connors and Weavers. That is implicit in this vidlet about Kacy: Judgement Day is not the only important thing going on. Thank you so much for taking the time to make a vidlet about her, and for letting it be about her.

Lauren (5:27) ...three times now I've watched this, and three times I've found myself sobbing while watching Lauren's section. Lauren and her sister and her mother. If ever I can watch this with my higher brain functions intact, I might say something more but... (Nope, fourth time, still sobbing. Damn you, vidder.)

Riley (6:59) ...I had never before noticed that she, like Derek and Jesse (and Charles Fisher!), is absolutely DELIGHTED by fast food. :-D Obviously, if you want to spot post-apocalyptic time-travelers, the mall food court is THE PLACE TO BE.

"You are not me," she says to John, and then she goes to face Cromartie! (Yes, you are right, John is not you! But that doesn't mean what you think it means! Listen to me, Riley: you are not just another undifferentiated and unimportant fish in the salmon run! Salmon are sacred! Salmon are a gift! All salmon are sacred, including you.) Ellison and Riley, I tell you: each one every bit as brave as the other. (So much bravery on this show!)

Unnamed Latina (9:42) I love the don't-push-me attitude in the cover you selected for her, and as I said in the earlier comment, the "you are not me" line is JUST EXACTLY RIGHT. :-DDD \o/

Derek (10:49) .....aaaaaaaahhhh!! (I asked for Derek & Sarah & maybe Cameron & maybe Jesse! And got Derek & Sarah & Cameron & Jesse!) There is so much I love about this one. (That is a VERY Derek cover of the song, haha!) In most of these vids, when "I am not you" is to or about Sarah, it is in part an assertion that Sarah is tougher/scarier/harder than the pov-character; here, it is nearly the opposite, Sarah is more innocent, less hardened, less experienced, than he is. (She has not seen the future! She has not survived Judgement Day! She has not spent decades living in that post-apocolyptic world!) ("Your mother has never killed anyone, has she?") Also, Sarah Connor is Kyle's religion, not Derek's. (Ah, but the things he would do for Kyle! Including going to the Church of Sarah Connor every Sunday.) And everyone dies for John Connor -- Kyle and Martin! -- and yet John is insisting on fucking around with his pet killer robot instead of keeping his head in the game, and oh, Derek, no wonder you're so frustrated and short-tempered all the time. And yet he still dies for the Connors. Because that's what non-Connors do. And I know I keep saying that the ends of these vids are brilliant, but this one, too: the next little bit of footage after Derek is shot, oh, man. Even with his doubts, he died for. the. Connors. And in the end, they walk away. Because that's what Connors do.

And am I allowed to laugh at Jesse laughing at Derek's fly being open? I am laughing at Jesse laughing at Derek's fly. :-D (How the hell can you slip a moment like that in the middle of Derek murdering Jesse and get away with it, I will never know, and yet you did!)

Weaver (13:27) The opening montage still makes me bite my knuckles with joy. I just. Both the Urinal of Death and the Sexy Tongue of Death bother me in their original contexts -- such a pair of jarringly vagina dentata male fantasies, and they always felt hugely out of place in the show -- but here, there's something unfettered about it that changes those scenes entirely for me. And oh, of course Weaver's religion is John Henry. Of course it is. She is intending to place the entire world, the entire future, into his care: of course that's where her faith is. :-D

Ellison (16:18) I love this piano music for Ellison: Ellison of the elegant suits and ties! (And also, in case you were concerned after all, you're exactly right: the Christian imagery in this vid isn't tweaking me. When all that resurrection imagery around Cromartie and John Henry is Ellison's pov, I am okay with it. That is his lens through which he views the world; that is not an pseudo-objective assertion about the nature of reality itself.)

And oh, Ellison and his endless quest of faith! He has faith in the FBI, in the investigative work, in the nuts and bolts of bringing justice to bear. (The dead man is not Ellison! Because Ellison is the Man Who Lived!) Until his faith in the nuts and bolts of justice is shattered by Cromartie, and now he puts his faith in Sarah Connor: Sarah can and has witnessed for the truth. But there is no "next" in the Church of Sarah Connor: it is just this, only this, surviving until the next day. Weaver offers a next. ...and yet the answers he wants are not there, either. (Cromartie being resurrected as John Henry still leaves George Laszlo dead!) Oh, Ellison. He works so hard at figuring out where he should put his faith, and how he should behave once he has placed it. He really is the perfect capstone for this collection. :-D

Thank you anonymous vidder-person-or-persons!

<3 <3 <3 <3

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING THE BEST RECIPIENT EVER!!! I am so relieved that you like this whole project, you have no idea.

And your readings of each of the different characters is lovely; you see things that I wanted people to see and other things that I didn't even see! For Terissa I definitely was thinking about Sarah's comment to Ellison ("That's a lot to you?") — I was thinking about that for several of the characters (Andy, the unnamed Latina, Jesse — since Jesse did lose her job, her relationship, and her child — and of course Ellison) so I'm so glad you made that connection too. TSCC is Sarah's story; TSCC is the story of how Sarah loses her religion, over and over and over again (the end of the show is her losing her religion — her son leaves, she loses her son, John is her religion and he is gone). These vids are the stories that TSCC uses as b-plots, remade into a-plots. These are the vids about the things that are a lot to the characters.

And it struck me so so so much when I rewatched TSCC for clipping when Terissa asks "What happens now? Does he die too?" that then Andy does die — that's it, that's her worst nightmare, more people dying, with no real clear sign of victory. The series was always going to start with either Terissa or Ellison, but Terissa is better: this is her fear, her fear is realized, her religion is lost, it's shot in the head, it's dead and buried and won't come back.

Jesse shutting Queeg's eyes (and later Sarah *not* shutting Derek's eyes) is one of the things that drove Jesse's vid for me, that drives *Jesse* for me. These are her people, even Queeg, who she shot, who is not a person. Jesse's vid basically arrived fully formed on the timeline; I think hers is perhaps the only vid that I didn't have multiple drafts of. This! This is Jesse! I'm so glad to hear that this worked for you, because, I just, this is her, this is how I see her, 100%.

Kacy's vidlet almost didn't make it into the series because I hadn't realized that, despite the fact she is in multiple episodes, there isn't that much useful footage for her. But I <3 Kacy and I'm so glad that I found a way to make the vidlet work well enough to include, even if I had to stop myself from putting the sonogram shot over the opening "life" like I did for Connection. (Kacy's vid was the vid where I realized that both Elephant Connection and Losing My Religion start with the word "life". Don't know yet what that means, but I think it means something.)

And Lauren! And Riley! I just. They are both so brave and young and old all at the same time and I'm pretty incoherent about both of them tbh. I just. Riley! Lauren! (Should team up and fight crime and have happy endings!) And, yes, salmon ARE sacred! Or, even, Riley COULD have been the bear, John/Skynet don't have to be the bear! Riley could be ANY ANIMAL SHE WANTS TO BE. But, but, but. D:

The unnamed Latina's vid ... I just love that cover and I have so many feelings about her and Cameron; Cameron totally isn't her! And yet there are ways in which I think she can out-Cameron Cameron, even though she's not Cameron either. (She's herself, thank you very much.) (I used to have a weird theory though that she was a terminator, though.)

I'm so glad you liked that Derek's vid went on after his death, because, yes, he dies for John Connor (he dies for the Resistance), but that doesn't mean that there isn't more to him, that doesn't mean that he didn't have a brother or a lover or doubts about his chosen course. But at the end he's still left dead on the ground, eyes open.

The only thing I have to say about Weaver is that John Henry is absolutely her religion, but she hasn't lost it yet. (That is my favorite bit of song editing in this whole thing.) Maybe in in season three she would have lost him, but not yet.

I am so glad that you don't mind the Christianity in Ellison's peice! I didn't think you would because (imo) the religion he looses is the law/justice, his life, his view of the world, and he goes searching — in Christianity, in Sarah, in Weaver, in John Henry — but I wasn't sure that I handled it in a way that you'd like, so I'm really happy that I apparently did. And the instrumental version took a long time to find, but I'm so glad that I didn't settle for another cover. Oh Ellison <3 may you someday find what you are looking for.

Oh my god. This is pure perfection, I actually can't watch all of this in one sitting! I've already jumped up and paced the room twice now, grinning into my fist. Your concept is flawless, and love how you've segmented it. Plus I'll have to look some of these covers up later too!

OK I LIED I WATCHED ALL OF IT, HOW COULD I POSSIBLY STOP?? And you did such a wonderful job editing the songs as well, and chose each one with such a complimentary cadence to the POV you were taking. Also, thank you so so much for the Jesse vid of my heart! And when Weaver stroked the hardware to "oh life" *thud*

GUH. If I knew where you lived, there'd be a bouquet of flowers delivered to your door.

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it. No flowers necessary, comments are lovely enough!

(And Weaver stroking The Turk to "life" was so perfect, I couldn't not do it. John Henry is life tooooooo!)

I don't know what to do with how epically ambitious that was. This is just an astonishing extension of the form. Each of your character studies is so rich, and they complement each other so perfectly because of the incredible consistency in the questions you show each character asking about who they can trust and what parts of themselves they can have faith in. It's just amazing.

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. As an aside, one of the things that excited me so much about your Skynet vid was how you used theme, variation, and repetition. I love when vids and music play with those and LOR was just one long indulgence in that for me, so it was really awesome to get a vid that played with theme/variation/repetition, but in a very different way than LOR does. It felt very fitting to me.

This floors me! It's so carefully constructed; each character's POV is so clear, and the parallels and contrasts among the different characters on similar lyrics just strengthen the character work you're doing. Each cover sounds just right for each character; Weaver's in particular sounds like liquid metal. And I love how Sarah and John and even Cameron are the foils in many of these, the main characters wrapped up in their own narrative, and how you used them and their stories very much in the background to enhance what these other characters are going through.

I particularly loved the Terissa-Sarah almost opposition, because Sarah isn't even something Terissa chose to trust or have faith in, she just has no choice but to hope that it isn't all a big lie. I also love the Lauren-Sarah connections, and Derek-John, as the people Lauren and Derek are trying to keep up with. Andy's trust in technology here is just...idk, somehow I never made all those connections in his story before, how much technology was a constant for him and how much it betrayed him and how he tried to fix that (and drawing things like that out is what this series of studies is so good at!)

Riley's makes me weep all by itself; that cover is such a great interpretation of the song and you've used it so well to show both Riley's vulnerability and how tough and brave she was, nobody's tragedy as much as her own (oh Riley). But James' is my subjective favorite, because this theme and his whole arc is just amazing. He's so certain in the beginning, and then the world and Sarah and Weaver change everything he thought he knew a few times, and he's still there, searching and trying, doing his best with what he knows or believes to be true, and oh I love him. <3

And that doesn't even mention how much I loved Jesse's and Kacy's and the unnamed Latina, who goes through an apocalypse of her own and comes out on the other side, all in a handful of scenes.

tl;dr all of these are wonderful and this is such an impressive project.

I can't thank you enough for your help and cheerleading with this project! At the beginning it was so epic and scary and you were so nice and encouraging! Thank you so so so so much. I really would never have finished without you.

Terissa-Sarah was something that I wish the show had done more with -- I loved that dynamic! And Andy and his love of computers and how enthused he is ... he just breaks my heart. (Sarah you should have told Andy everything and then he should have helped you stop Skynet!!! And he would totally be a good role model for John and -- compared to John, Sarah, and Derek -- he would probably be the most realistic person when it comes to dealing with Cameron!)

Vidding Riley really made me wish, again, that the show had done more with her; in my ideal season three in my head Riley would reappear -- she's such an interesting character and concept and my heart just breaks for her.

And Kacy! I just feel like Kacy thinks she is actually in a different show -- a sitcom about people living in LA, maybe. Oh Kacy, I hope that Judgement Day is stopped so that people like you never have to lose your religion of the goodness of the world.

SO, yes THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING. <3

I feel I did very little besides be impressed and excited about your ideas, but I am glad my enthusiastic flailing was helpful! <3

WOW. I am speechless, this was EPIC.

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!

What a fascinating idea, and so ambitious in scope and execution! I loved the Jesse and Riley sections in particular and am completely fascinated and in love with the decision to use the instrumental, piano piece for Ellison.

Thank you for putting in what must have been a truly enormous amount of work into this.

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! Deciding on an instrumental for Ellison came after a long long hunt for a cover that would work for him. When I finally found this lovely piano version on YouTube I was so relieved and please!

And it was a lot of work, but it was also the most energetic I've been about a project in a long time so it was fun and fufilling work.

This is amazing.
I love how it's a cohesive whole - how each character's story builds a bit on the ones before it - and not just a series of vids with a common theme.

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it.

GAH, what a fascinating project, kudos! I loved the minor characters you highlighted (Lauren Fields! that one killed me. and the unnamed girl!) as well as the major ones. I love how you used different musical styles that put a different spin on the song; Riley's, Jesse's, and Weaverbot's were especially fitting. I liked how certain lyrics stood out several times with different meanings to each character (you are not me, the distance in your eyes) and finally Ellison just used the instrumental version. ELLISON'S SECTION IS SO GOOD. Though I also really enjoyed Derek's, a complete tonal shift from the softer, melancholy, and mostly female-sung covers, and the clips kept up with it, and so much going on here with him and Sarah and with Cameron.

As a total aside, man is that Number Station stuff strange and unsettling. I'd never heard of that or the Conet Project before so thanks for bringing that piece of cryptic WTF into my life. :) Seriously though it made a cool transition between the segments. It fit the theme-and-variations vibe someone else mentioned in the comments here. Everyone sending these unique repetitions of their own out into the world.

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Number stations are totally creepy, but also really fascinating and the audio is just so creepy cool. And your interpretation of how everyone is sending out their own repetitions is so much more clever than what I was thinking when I put it in -- I mostly going "ack, I need to put something over the transitions, what should I use?!"

Ohhhhh my gosh, this is amazing. I enjoyed ALL of these but my favorite are the Weaver and the Ellison ones - they just fit so, so right.

Thank you! I'm so especially glad to hear you liked Weaver's vid -- I had a tough time with that one, so it's wonderful to hear that it works for you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Gift Vid(s): Losing Our Religions - for Sanguinity

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject